It is my fault.

Dah seminggu berlalu.. tapi agak sukar utk melepaskanya.. This is what happens when I’m not the one who makes the 1st move. When things go wrongs, i will lose myself. ~ yes i know, it’s my fault. This attitude of mine is really sucks. I’m trying to curb this problem and my other negative attitude too ... tapi..bila terlepas prangai jahanam ni..sesunguh nya ia buat ak semak sgt2..

Menyesal nya wey! Ak nyesal yg amat dowh! dah elok2 ak tutup kes tu.. gatal buka kn.. padan muka ak la kn..ak tau salah ak... ak xtau mcm ne lg nk ilang kn rs marah,bsalah, ralat,sebak dan kecewa dgn diri sendiri ni.. dan utk menambah kn lagi rasa xboleh blah ni.. ak terlupa 1 benda penting.. Diakn sakit! Boleh x.. ak lupa bde tu? Xpatut sgt kn ak buat dia mcm tu... ak xsengaja.. bersalah nya ak rasa smpai skg.. kesian kat dia..

Ap sal la ak xtunggu dia angkat fon bila ak tefon sblm ak kua pg tu? Ak ptt call byk kali kn..? ap sal la ngelabah sgt ak nk jmpa dia.. kalu ak bsabar sikit pagi tu.. mst bde ni xjadi..

Nak defend diri pun mcm xkena gaya je... ak nk ckp pe utk defend diri ak? Yg ak g gatal ckp “ ok “ at the 1st place sape soh? ... terang lagi tersuluh salah ak kat sini..

Camner ni..? cube cter.. sgt xbest ye perasaan ni... the guilty is killing me!!! Gosh!

Ak xtau apa.. tapi..dalam ramai2 tu, ak tertarik dgn dia..ak sgt suka dia dgn gulahati dia tu..seswai sgt.. like.. Match by heaven gituuuw.. ak doa kn dia sentiasa bahgia dan sihat.

Dear You,

“my offer is still valid, i assure you, it won’t have expiry date. u can exercise it whenever u want”

I need a small favour from you: Please don’t find me, for whatever reasons. U didn’t owe me anything.

Pls don’t get me wrong here, i am x blaming u, hell no! i’m x creating a drama or movie or play here, i just know ur intention after Drak told me.( i still feel guilty about it).. thank you for ur concern., i will be fine.. InsyaAllah~

Basically, it’s all my fault.. i can’t resist myself when it comes to u..yup, it’s true.. U got my attention.. sy xnk bde ni berulang lagi..Jd, sy skg ni berusaha bersunguh2 utk menjauhkn diri dari awk. Sy hrp awk myokong usaha baik sy ni.. sy xleh la dgn awk.. Awk buat sy panik,. Bila sy panik,sy akn mula ckp bde yg sepatut nya utk org lain.. Dan sy xnk luka kn hati sesape..terutama awak.. sy penat bde jd mcm ni... which obviously comes from me, the chaos of cause.. . thus, to avoid this from happen again, sy harap awak dan gulahati awak menyokong usaha sy ni.. sy xmampu buat sensorang bde ni..sbb sy manusia biasa yg xlepas dari melakukan kesilapan..

Konklusinya.. yg penting sy nk awk tau, awk xpyh rasa bersalah atau pe dgn sy, awk xde dosa pun dgn sy. Sy sentiasa nak awk dan gulahati awk bahagia. I need time to forgive myself.. Zillion apologize for what i have done to u and ur family.. i do regret it.. please take a good care of ur self..

Saja nk kongsi

I’m x an animefreak, so basically i didn’t watch this anime. Ak tgh selak2 majalah gempak isu lelama ni pastu terjumpa lirik ni..kamper one way ryouomoi, marina inoe..


Your warm gaze makes me happy, but
I’ve decided to be grateful to God for letting us meet
It is because I’m a girl that I can’t be with you?
Myself that’s not myself gets in the way
Hey, no one but you can make my heart twinge.

I think this is mutual love!!
We’re limitless and nearly equal
But we’re forever on parallel lines
Like I’d lose!

One-way – I’m running wild.
It’s fate, ri, ri, ri, ride!
I’ll tell you, I want to offer
You myself as I truly am
The throbbing I feel in my
Heart is the real thing
I can’t decide as my true self yet when I’m with you

The word “love” is a simple ,red signpost
Everyone’s too honest, so I’m all confused
Don’t choose such a complicated, weird course
Wait, Wait!!
I’m sure this is one-sided
Love at it, it’s one-sided love
Don’t tease me. Somehow please, give me a clear answer
Now, I’m sure it’s one-sided love. While I’m feeling this ray of hope
Like I’d lost!
Myself who’s not myself is a rival.

One-way – I’m straying. It’s a sure win, lo, lo, lo, love!
Like I’d step back!
One-way – I’m running wild.
It’s fate, ri, ri, ri, ride!
Like I’d stop!
Like I’d lose!


Btw, this is x the full lyric,. Ak lompat2 je amek ni.. ak rs lirik ni cambest.. agak menarik..
Harap maklum.. xde kaitan dgn ak ok lirik ni.. yela.. slalu kn kalu ak post lirik sume mcm ad kaitan je kn dgn ak... tp yg ni tidak ye.. saja ak nk kongsi.. sharing is caring... bak kata adik ak..

Stage 1 clear!

Alhamdulilah, segala urusan nak sambung LLB dah selamat ak uruskan hari Selasa 22/3/2011 tempoh hari. Semua ni tak menjadi sgt senang tanpa bantuan mereka. Thank You Allah because send them to me. Acan dan Farouq, jasa diorg sgt ak hargai. Thank you Guys!

Gedik kn, hal camni pun nk kecoh ek.. err.. to be frank, decision to pursue LLB is my own decision, so basically, i’m so thrilled and panic at the same time. ~ yela.. time dpt Asasi dulu ak hadap je bde ni dan xplan pape pun. Then ptt nya degree hari tu ak buat marketing, tp d bantah.. jd.. ak pujuk la ht ngadap BLS.. psl tu la pointer ak cam hampeh sikit.. niat ak dah xbetul time tu..but this time around, ak sendiri yg nk hadap benda alah ni.. dgn rela hati ok. Harap2 semua nya berjalan lancar. InsyaAllah, do have faith on me.

Sbb tu la ak sgt2 touching dgn hero2 ni.. xsangka la dgn keadaan ak yg tungang langang ni.. diorg dtg mbantu. Ak bajet minta tolong utk langkah awal je, tapi, diorg tolong dari A-Z. Dari beli num pin kat BSN bwk la ke penghantaran borang smbung LLB kat fakulti. Mmg xtau nk kata pe dah dgn diorng ni... segan kot!

Semua ni bermula bila ak terasa nk call Acan hr tu... pastu dia la yg bgtau psl intake ni.. pastu dia tolong beli kn num pin then sanggup ye dtg umah ak semata2 nk ak clear on what shall i do since he already send his application.Senang citer dia nk ak ny borang tu lengkap.. xde la ak mgelabah bila nk hantar borang nnt..(mcm dia tau2 je) utk menmbah kn lg rs terharu ak kat dia.. dah la masa dia dtg umah ak hr Ahad tu dia tgh sakit.. terhutang budi ak kat Zell sbb bjaya cari umah ak..dan sbnar nya kedatangan Acan tu mmg leh d katakn menghilangkan kejap perasaan ralat ak sejak pg tu..~he gives me a new spirit.

Kemudian di pg hr Selasa yg sejuk dingin tu ak pun gagah kn diri g UiTM, plan asal Farouq amek kt stesen Pdg Jawa, anta g Sek 2, then menara je.. cuz he had class at 1030am. What happens is that, his class being cancelled. So,the whole day i’m with him.. he totally treat me like i am a spoil lil sista. Terbaek. G mn2 hr tu berambik berantar.. smpai ak terbuat dia tunggu ak bgosip dgn Lin kat Melati.. ~ sorry, xsengaja..

Apa pun hr tu sgt bermakna.. lama wey ak xgelak puas2 mcm tu... smpai terasa xckup nafas gelak ny pasal..sekurang nya, tiap kali ak ingat kejadian hr ahad tu, ak akn ingat kejadian hr Selasa ni.. susah ye nk hilangkn rasa ralat d hati ku.. i shouldn’t say Yes at the 1st place. Sgt nyesal... teramat...

To wrap up, 1st stage to further study in LLB is cleared. Thank you for those who involve direct or indirectly to make this happen. i do appreciate it. I’m so thankful having them as my friends. May Allah bless us.

Yang tersirat

Ak jenjalan g Tesco, dr kejauhan nmpak sgt la menarik harga t-shirt ny.. rm10 je... bila semakin dekat nmpak agak menarik baju2 yg di display kn..di offer dua warna hitam dan putih.. ada 4 corak.. ak tertarik kat t-shirt warna hitam ni.. corak dan warna sgt la kiut... pink, white and black..budget nk amek dah ye... tp semakin lama ak tgk.. ak gelak sensorang... ak letak balik baju tu...

Kenapa? Hah.. ni yg ak nk kabor kn ni.. kalu size korang bkn XXS di nasihatkn.. xyah gatal beli.. mmg la skali tgk MACAM size XL pun leh muat.. tapi terpulang...its your choice..

Sbb ke 2 ny.. mula ak nk beli mcm nk berkempen myahut seruan : goodness of milk.. ala.. hari susu sedunia.. lebey kureng r cam tu.. niat murni kn? Mgalak kan org minum susu.. tp kn... bila usha lama2 baju ni... ak rs mcm ada double meaning...mcm berkempen utk bde lain lak hai... Tidak..! ~ scaryyyy okeyyyy...

Ap pun... kredit ak bg kt designer bj ni... mugkin niat dia btul2 baik nk promote : MILK IS GOOD FOR YOU HAVE IT EVERYDAY.. hadoyyyyyyy

Pesanan khas dr pengarang buat budak2 d bwh umo: jgn cuba fikir, nnt tercemar minda..

Rahsia

sepanjang bln feb lepas.. mcm2 rahsia yg singah kat telinga ak.. the best part.. rahsia yg leh buat gugur jantung, terketar tulang.. nasib la kebanyak kan situasi ..ak tgh duduk.. kalu ak bdiri.. mmg lumpuh kejap...

kadang2... ak rasa.. rahsia patut biar kn rahsia... tapi kadang2.. rahsia patut di beritahu pada yg berhak.. agar.. pendengar rahsia tahu keadaan sebenar.. kat mn limit dia... atau sekurang nya dia tahu apa nk buat selepas dgr rahsia ni.. atau mugkin juga ak adalah calon terbaik utk mendgr rahsia2 ni..

pada mereka yg berkongsi rahsia besar2 ni dgn ak... ak hargai sgt sbb ms dgr tu mmg ak nk nagis... takut dgn kebesaran ALLAH SWT..

mmg terdiam ak tiap kali rahsia2 bombastik ni d ceritakan.. kelu seribu bahasa... ada setengah rahsia tu bole la ak ckp kn" what goes around comes around" ada setengah tu .. nk je ak jerit : hoi !!! buta dah ke hati kau ni??? senag je kan keputusan kau? tapi.. semua tu xmampu ak jerit kn... mcm ak ckp... mmg ak takut habis dgr rahsia2 ni... hanya istigfar yg mampu terkeluar di hati, di minda ketika tu...

tapi kan... ak nk la dgr rahsia ni smpai habis ( peh mmg dasar gosip r ak ni.. ) .. ap pun.. ak yakin.. bila smpai ms nye... semua tu akn terbongkar... dan sebagai pendengar rahsia2 besar ak sentiasa memohon pd Nya agar ak mampu hadapi rahsia ni dgn setenang mugkin agar ada jln penyelesaian or atleast.. ak leh tenang kn hati si pemberi/pencerita rahsia ni... ak faham... rahsia2 besar gini... bkn sebarang leh citer... berat beban nya...

ak sgt bersyukur ak tau psl hal ni... jd skg.. ak bertahan seperti biasa... bila mereka bersedia dan ak juga... semua ni akn terbongkar dan di lerai kn 1.1,.. insyaAllah..

jd... utk pembuka bln Mac ni.. ak dedicate.. Secret by 1 Republic utk u ols... ~ tibaaaaa !!!!

may Allah bless us all..Amin,.